Emotional rambling

I wanted to write about how I miss 2d rpgs with isometric view, but now I don’t really feel like caring about it.
Truth is, I feel extremely alone. Not lonely, note the difference. I’ve always been difficult at bonding with the others, although I’m pretty sure most of people who know me haven’t even noticed. I seem to be a normal girl, who just doesn’t party much and prefers to stay home. That would be okay if it was the entire truth.
My problem is, I’m not able to let people to see what I really think and feel. It’s like “hey, okay, I like you, I can pretend everything is alright, but stay where you are and don’t come closer, you’re not from my world”. Trust and faith would are only possible when I look at someone and see he’s made of similar material as me. And I don’t see it often, reflections of my mind are seen only in the mirror (or maybe not, cuz I always feel strange when I look at me, but it’s not this story). Of course I have friend-like people whom I love spending time with and playing v-games and talking about movies. But they don’t touch me inside, and at the end of the day, it’s still only me, so I choose to experience and see things only by myself, cuz I feel more comfortable this way. It’s not bad, although sometimes I miss someone’s presence by my side.
Is it the eternal and undead “oh, they wouldn’t understand”? I don’t know, maybe. Then I wish I could meet someone who would.

I’m happy, though.

Oh, great. And now I feel pathetic.

Current music: "Above You, Below Me" by Badly Drawn Boy