For no lost souls will live on forever... tudududum!

So, I’ve noticed that fantasy-based music is more an European thing than the American. Of course I may be wrong, I just don’t know any from America, and I know loads of European ones. We have DragonForce, Elvenking, Nightwish, Summoner, Sonata Arctica, Blind Guardian, Rhapsody, and many, many more. Do we try to prove the common saying we’re less embarrassing than Americans is wrong?
But that’s not the thing.
It has been always surprising me, but I really love the idea of these bands. They often are awful in a musical way with pretentious, ridiculous lyrics and it’s impossible to look at the band members without laughing. And most of them is metal, I’m not a metal music person. But… there is definitely something in it. For a fantasy geek, singing about fairy lands and great quests is touching, even if it’s not, well, good. Touching, moving and brings smile to my face. There is this high-fantasy 'go and fight the darkness' thing which makes life more magical and gives hope that not everything has to be gray and dull. Of course not every band and every song, some are just too bad and annoying. The rest can’t be taken serious as well, but sometimes it’s a real pleasure to listen to them - sometimes they're really GOOD. Also motivating, how can you feel hopeless or sad when you hear such words:

Sometimes in your darkest dreams
you will feel the haunting pain
Silent tears of your hidden fears come to haunt you once again
Fight on for the memories
of the everlasting dream
Their pain in the silent
lands on wings of glory free

We can go on forever with the darkness so far away
And the warriors who live forever
fight on 'till the end

And I may be rolling my eyes, but my highly developed idealistic part longs for such feelings. It’s a nice combination, I can be happy and heroic with self-ironic distance, which is both satisfying and safe.
And last, but not least, I love the idea of power metal/folks fantasy bands because of the epic fail they bring. It’s so obvious why they are legendary in some circles. Just watch it, and no explanation will be needed:



So, yes, I'm not ashamed to say I listen to power metal. Yay.

Dawn of joy

So, the DoW2 beta is here. I’m not that much into this game, I prefer the RPG version of w40k, but even I was excited. But nothing like my brother – he of course was talking about it all the time before the release, which was totally understandable. And yesterday he waited for 1 am, refreshing his Steam every single minute and when finally it was there, I heard a scream of joy. Yay, I thought, isn’t it nice. Yay ended when he had to do something with himself while waiting for the download finish, so he came to my room interrupting my reading (the crime I usually can’t forgive) and I had a two hour long lecture about how great the DoW2 will be. It should be irritating, but wasn’t at all, for a few reasons.
Reason one – I enjoy listening to video game geeks, even if I don’t really enjoy the particular game.
Reason two – I’m deeply in love with tyranids. Call me whatever you want, but I am.
Reason three – His excitement and pure joy.
And the third one made me jealous. I haven’t been that happy for a long time, and watching him having something he really adores was a pleasure, but on the other hand, it made me sad. When did my ableness to lose my mind for something disappear?

I definitely have to watch Firefly.

Huh.

I fucking hate bossy people.

Emotional rambling

I wanted to write about how I miss 2d rpgs with isometric view, but now I don’t really feel like caring about it.
Truth is, I feel extremely alone. Not lonely, note the difference. I’ve always been difficult at bonding with the others, although I’m pretty sure most of people who know me haven’t even noticed. I seem to be a normal girl, who just doesn’t party much and prefers to stay home. That would be okay if it was the entire truth.
My problem is, I’m not able to let people to see what I really think and feel. It’s like “hey, okay, I like you, I can pretend everything is alright, but stay where you are and don’t come closer, you’re not from my world”. Trust and faith would are only possible when I look at someone and see he’s made of similar material as me. And I don’t see it often, reflections of my mind are seen only in the mirror (or maybe not, cuz I always feel strange when I look at me, but it’s not this story). Of course I have friend-like people whom I love spending time with and playing v-games and talking about movies. But they don’t touch me inside, and at the end of the day, it’s still only me, so I choose to experience and see things only by myself, cuz I feel more comfortable this way. It’s not bad, although sometimes I miss someone’s presence by my side.
Is it the eternal and undead “oh, they wouldn’t understand”? I don’t know, maybe. Then I wish I could meet someone who would.

I’m happy, though.

Oh, great. And now I feel pathetic.

Current music: "Above You, Below Me" by Badly Drawn Boy

Yes, i need help.

I've eaten twelve oranges. Moar.

Don't you tell me what I cannot do

Humming the Firefly song which always comes with the bunch of difficult memories, this I think: why is it so hard to find people with ambitions? I mean the real ones, born from their own desires, not from what they think they should do. I meet people who want to have a good life, without anything spectacular. Okay, that’s fair enough, there is nothing to disrespect about such attitude.
But, I badly need someone with big plans! With a vision and a willingness to fulfill it, cuz I don’t know anything better and more satisfying in this world than a creativity and those who stand behind it.
I’ve met such guy once. He was working on the RPG setting, and I tell you, I don’t have words to describe what a treasure is to find someone who is ready to share ideas and dreams he has in his mind. When he was picturing me that world, and he was a great taleteller, I was totally buying it and took his enthusiasm from him – and not only cuz the idea was so good... He really believed people would love it, and the world would be ours, and so how could I not believe? We worked on it together for a few years and then it ended, but I miss that… faith in one’s powers and abilities to make something amazing. An interesting vision also. I have a few on my own, but still, I need right people to share with. Making the world my alone is not that gratifying.
Anyway, I realize there are a lot of people who match the characteristic, they are just not, well, not here. But I adore them all – see you in Vallhala, in the hall of the greatest warriors.

I need more tea.

Fanboys movie

Are we waiting for the Fanboys movie?



We probably should.